<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Don't Go by EternalElegy</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24789538">Don't Go</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalElegy/pseuds/EternalElegy'>EternalElegy</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Drugging, Ibara gets assaulted by a non-canon character, JunIba Day 6/18/2020, M/M, Sexual Assault</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-18</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 10:13:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Rape/Non-Con</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>14,156</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24789538</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/EternalElegy/pseuds/EternalElegy</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>When Ibara said those words, Jun made a promise that he swore he was never going to break.<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Saegusa Ibara/Sazanami Jun</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>46</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Don't Go</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jun had no clue how to act on corporate dinner parties and Ibara’s advice was not helping him whatsoever. Despite the fact that he was dressed in a very nice (and most likely expensive) suit, he felt severely out of place even when everyone else was wearing similar attire.</p><p>Cosmic Production was holding a lavish dinner party to celebrate an anniversary and it turned out that all of the idol groups that CosPro had signed with were invited too. Ibara had given the rest of Eden a briefing beforehand considering no one except him had experience in these kinds of events, but there was so much information regarding hidden social rules that Jun’s brain was already close to exploding half way through. He didn’t understand how people got used to this, hell, he’d rather be performing if it meant not having to talk to people in this kind of situation. Nagisa usually devoured information as it was given to him and this occasion was no different, and to Jun’s surprise, Hiyori was paying close attention to what Ibara was saying. Maybe it was because Hiyori was also indirectly representing the Tomoe Foundation and he wasn’t intent on making his relationship with his family worse.</p><p>Jun wished that he didn’t have to attend. Unfortunately, not only was Eden Cosmic Production’s strongest unit, but Ibara was among the top brass and it would have been strange for him not to bring the unit that he produced for unless they were caught up in urgent idol work (which was not the case).</p><p>The actual meal flew by in a blink of an eye and suddenly they had proceeded to the part of the event that Jun feared the most; the after dinner talk. Luckily, Ibara had gathered Eden around, and Jun guessed that Ibara was going to give them some prep talk.<br/>
“Just make sure to strike up some friendly conversation and everything will go smoothly!” Ibara beamed.<br/>
“Someone looks excited.” Jun remarked.<br/>
“It’s all part of being a businessman!”<br/>
“Well, I never realised that I’d have an opportunity to go to parties since I usually leave it up to my brother, but we should all have fun while we’re here!” Hiyori exclaimed, moving to pull Jun into a bear hug. Luckily, he reacted in time and pushed him away gently.<br/>
“Ohii-san, we’re at a dinner party and everyone’s watching, you can’t just hug me.”</p><p>“... Jun is right.” Nagisa added. “... We may not be businessmen, but we must act like proper adults. These are the people that have made our success possible, and we should be grateful in front of them.”<br/>
“Very well said, Your Excellency!” Ibara took a quick glance around. “Ah, it seems that the executives are interested in holding a conversation with us, we shouldn’t keep them waiting!” </p><p>Jun would have been lying if he said that he wasn’t nervous. Hiyori seemed to be his usual sunny self and Nagisa’s expression was blank and unreadable, and they quickly made their way towards a gathering of other men in suits. Ibara led the way; Jun noticed his confident strides and attempted to mimic his actions.</p><p>Ibara pushed his heels together and saluted upon arrival and he was met with a warm welcome from the rest of the executive staff. Jun was immediately wary; Hiyori had speculated that not all of the bad executives back from Winter Live had been removed and a reason why Crazy B was created was because Ibara didn’t want Adam and Eve to fight each other. Hiyori made eye contact with Jun briefly, and that was all it took for the message to be communicated: they were to smile and remain civil and polite, almost like they were there to accompany vice president Ibara, rather than stand together equally as members of an idol unit. Pleasantries were exchanged, and after some small talk, Ibara went straight to business. Jun’s brain began to turn off when he heard jargon that he didn’t understand.</p><p>A waiter came around to their location with drinks on hand. It was at this point that Jun realised that everyone except for the idols had drinks.<br/>
“Ah, thank you very much!” Ibara put on his trademark smile and took a champagne flute that was offered to him.<br/>
“Ibara, are we even allowed?” Hiyori asked. Considering that they were idols and underaged, Hiyori’s concern made sense to Jun; the drink looked exactly like champagne.<br/>
“Don’t worry, it’s sparkling apple juice!” Ibara replied with a small laugh. “I can assure you that it’s alcohol-free, so please enjoy it to your heart’s content!” </p><p>Everyone raised their glasses before they took a sip.<br/>
“Mmm, it’s not bad.” Hiyori commented.<br/>
“Yeah. Maybe we can ask Ibara where we can get more of this stuff later.” Jun replied, opting to take a mouthful after the fizz from the first taste had disappeared. Nagisa looked pleasantly surprised.<br/>
“What do you think, Nagisa-kun?” Hiyori turned to the leader of Eden.<br/>
“... It’s interesting. I like it.” Ibara’s attention was already fully directed towards the rest of the executives, and Jun didn’t particularly want to interrupt.<br/>
“Jun-kun! It’s that receptionist, let’s go talk to her!” Hiyori tugged excitedly at Jun’s sleeve, and before Jun could react properly, Hiyori was already dragging him over. “Nagisa-kun, we’ll meet back up with you guys in a bit, okay?”<br/>
“... Okay. I will stay with Ibara.” </p><p>Fortunately, the exchange with the receptionist went smoothly. It turned out that she adored idols and as a result, made the decision to work at Cosmic Production, and she was actually a massive Eden fan. Hiyori took charge for most of the conversation, and they talked thoroughly about all sorts of topics, such as food, work and hobbies. Jun was relieved that he was able to connect so easily with someone else from the company without having to go into all of the boring talk about numbers. Even though they were technically on a social battlefield, there was at least someone else who was there to have fun, without any other ulterior motives.</p><p>Jun wondered how many of these parties Ibara had to take part in and what kinds of things went through his mind during them. However, he was certain that Ibara’s primary objective was definitely not personal enjoyment.</p><p>Half an hour went by very quickly, and Jun glanced over to where Ibara was previously… and Nagisa was already on the way over to them.<br/>
“Hmm? Nagisa-kun, what’s wrong?” Hiyori finished his sentence towards the receptionist before turning to the white-haired man.<br/>
“... Ibara said that he wasn’t feeling well.”<br/>
“Where is he?” Hiyori asked.<br/>
“... He left through that door.” Nagisa pointed it out.<br/>
“He’ll probably come back soon.” Jun spoke, but he couldn’t help but feel a little unsettled. Ibara usually took very good care of himself and Jun was sure that he had never taken a day off due to illness or otherwise.</p><p>“Ah, Chloe! Sorry about that, but this is my friend Nagisa-kun!” Hiyori gestured towards Nagisa. Jun saw her hold back a gasp.<br/>
“... Hello.” Nagisa greeted.<br/>
“H-hello, Ran-san! It’s good to see you here! You probably already know from seeing my name tag at the CosPro front desk, but I’m Chloe.” Hands were shaken.<br/>
“... Sorry, Chloe, was it? I’m not good at remembering names.”<br/>
“It’s okay! I’m pretty bad too, so I can understand.” The receptionist laughed nervously.</p><p>Eventually, Chloe settled down into the atmosphere (they could all see that she was suppressing a fangirl moment) and Jun was happy to have made a new friend. While he knew that he would be able to see her on a regular basis due to her job, he probably wouldn’t be allowed to communicate with her outside of work purposes. He was an extremely popular idol, after all, and he didn’t particularly want to put more work on Ibara if a scandal occurred. Even though Ibara had control over the media, he was still very busy and Jun had no idea how close he was to overworking himself.</p><p>More time passed, and Jun realised that Ibara still hadn’t returned. He gave Hiyori a gentle nudge to catch his attention.<br/>
“What is it, Jun-kun?”<br/>
“Ibara’s still not back.”<br/>
“Oh, right. That’s strange.” Hiyori crossed his arms.<br/>
“... I’m worried.” Nagisa said, and Jun couldn’t help but feel concern as well.<br/>
“I’m going to go check on him.” Jun decided.<br/>
“Jun-kun, don’t go running off by yourself!” Hiyori exclaimed.</p><p>“Isn’t it better for you guys to stay here? If we all go then people might think that we all decided to collectively ditch. I think it’s better if only I go, since Nagi-senpai is not good with directions and he’ll need you, Ohii-san.” Jun explained.<br/>
“... I’m an adult though. I’ll be fine on my own.” Nagisa replied, but Hiyori wasn’t having it.<br/>
“It’s important that I take care of you considering this particular occasion!” The green-haired man turned to Jun. “Okay then, you can go, but come back as soon as possible, okay?”<br/>
“Okay, I’ll send you a text message if things are taking long.”</p><p>Hiyori smiled and nodded, and off Jun went.</p><p>Jun noted that this was the way to the men’s bathroom, though there were other dimly lit corridors that most likely led to other places that Jun was unfamiliar with. ES was a big place after all and it was safe to say that he wasn’t familiar with the majority of the complex. His most obvious first destination was the men’s bathroom, but his concerns rose when he found it to be empty. That meant that the only other place that Ibara could be was somewhere down the corridors, and Jun prayed that he wouldn’t get lost in this maze while finding his friend.</p><p>He took turns randomly, but did his best to memorise the exact pattern of where he went, so that he could make his way back. As Jun travelled, eventually the noise of the party was almost completely gone, and there was still no sign of Ibara. He sighed; this problem would not have occurred if Ibara had just said something about where he would be… Maybe Ibara thought that he wouldn’t have taken long, or he just didn’t want Nagisa to worry, which was stupid because it concerned Ibara’s health and safety and Jun would have much preferred to be able to easily find Ibara and get help if he needed it.</p><p>Finally, Jun heard signs of human life around the corner, but upon further listening to it, he realised that it was heavy breathing, rustling of clothes and… was that a belt being undone? Ibara having a sexual relationship was way too weird for Jun to think about; Ibara even hated talking about feelings, so there was no way that he would be okay with having a physically intimate relationship with someone. At the same time, Ibara was under constantly high pressure, and it didn’t seem so out of question for him to resort to more extreme methods to relieve stress. Maybe this was his secret to juggling so many things at once, though Jun didn’t think that this was without its risks. </p><p>Jun wasn’t keen on walking into something lewd so he turned to make his way back to the party, but then he heard Ibara’s voice. It was weak, but he could hear the words clearly, and Jun felt his stomach drop.</p><p> </p><p>“Nngh… get… off me you… pervert…”</p><p> </p><p>Jun’s mind and body kicked into high gear as he rounded the corner, and the scene before him made him feel so disgusted that it was almost nauseating; he didn’t think he knew the expression of seeing red until now. Ibara’s face was the same shade of colour as his hair, mouth hanging open, with his shirt partially unbuttoned and pants opened. His hands were gripped on another man’s shoulders as if he was trying to push him away. Said other man had his mouth on Ibara’s neck, one hand on his chest, another on his-</p><p>Jun was so angry that he didn’t give himself enough time to process the whole scene.<br/>
“Get off him!” Jun yelled, and he was sure that he had never run this fast in his life. The other man only had enough time to distance himself from Ibara before Jun threw a punch, catching his jaw and sending him to the ground. Ibara crumpled to the floor and Jun scooped him up, running in whatever direction that was away from here. He didn’t care if he got lost, he just needed to get to someplace safe so that he could make sure that Ibara was okay.</p><p>He found a suitable corner and went to fix up Ibara’s clothing, and Jun used this time to think about the situation. Ibara was physically strong; Jun knew that considering the amount of times they had bumped into each other at the gym, and it made no sense for Ibara to not have been able to beat up that man right there and then.<br/>
“Ibara! What happened?”<br/>
“Don’t know… I feel… weak…”<br/>
“When did it start?”<br/>
“The drink… tasted strange…” </p><p>It clicked in Jun’s mind. Ibara’s drink had been spiked.<br/>
“Why didn’t you tell us?!”<br/>
“Didn’t want to… cause a scene…”<br/>
“It’s okay to not be okay, got it? Can you walk?” Ibara groaned in response. Jun finished with Ibara’s clothes and went to carry him again. He needed to find his way to the infirmary to get him checked, but he had no clue how to get out of this area. If only there were directions that could lead him to the elevators… fortunately, it didn’t take long for him to locate some signs that showed the way, and Jun ran as fast as his body would allow while carrying someone who weighed almost just as much as him.</p><p>Jun wished he could travel faster, but an elevator could only arrive so quickly, and after what felt like forever, he had reached the infirmary. While he waited anxiously for Ibara to be examined by the nurse, his phone rang.<br/>
“Jun-kun! I thought you said that you’d contact us if things took a while!” Hiyori scolded him on the other side.<br/>
“Sorry, I couldn’t talk until now.”<br/>
“Where are you now?”<br/>
“At the infirmary with Ibara.”</p><p>“What?! What happened?”<br/>
“I…” It finally hit Jun that <em> Ibara was almost raped </em> , and suddenly his emotions flared up and he couldn’t find the right words anymore. “I’ll tell you later.”<br/>
“Jun-kun!”<br/>
“Sorry, Ohii-san, I promise that I’ll talk about it later.”<br/>
“You’d better keep that promise!”<br/>
“Alright.” </p><p>Jun hung up. After more waiting, the nurse informed him that Ibara would be okay with some rest and there was no need to take him to the hospital. Jun breathed a huge sigh of relief, and a mountain of weight that he didn’t realise existed lifted off his shoulders, and he went to take Ibara back to his dorm. It was dark, but Jun knew the dorm area well considering the amount of times Hiyori had demanded he come over to keep him company.<br/>
“What’s your dorm number?” Jun asked. On his back, Ibara mumbled incoherently. “Can you say that again?”<br/>
“Dorm… eight…” Ibara slurred.<br/>
“Where’s your room key?”<br/>
“Pocket…” </p><p>A few minutes later, Jun stood outside Ibara’s dorm room, noting that there were names on the front of the door to indicate the people who were supposed to be living within; he came up with something in his head in case Midori, Tsumugi and Mitsuru were inside. After searching Ibara’s pockets (Jun felt like a criminal while he did this), he found the room key and used it to open the door, and to his relief, the dorm was empty. It wasn’t obvious which bed was Ibara’s, so Jun opted to put him down on the couch and find a blanket for him.<br/>
“Juuuun…”<br/>
“I’ll be right back, Ibara.” Fortunately it didn’t take long for him to locate a spare blanket, and he propped a pillow under Ibara’s head while putting the blanket over him. The couch was quite long, so there was enough space for Jun to sit down as well. </p><p>Jun texted Hiyori to let him know that he was at Ibara’s dorm.<br/>
“Jun…” Ibara looked up at him, his face flushed.<br/>
“What is it?” When Ibara didn’t respond to Jun’s question, Jun’s attention went back to his phone, noting that there was still a good hour of the party left to go and that Hiyori had asked him to return as soon as possible. Jun replied that he’d be back in a few minutes; he wanted to make sure Ibara had fallen asleep before returning to the party.<br/>
“How did… you find me…?” Ibara was barely understandable.</p><p>“I looked around for you. Took me some time but I got to you eventually.”<br/>
“That executive…” Ibara trailed off, and only then did Jun connect the dots. No wonder that man looked so familiar.<br/>
“I’ll make sure that he gets hell for doing that to you.”</p><p>Ibara stayed silent, but his eyes stayed on Jun, as if he was trying to communicate something. Jun desperately wanted to be able to read his gaze.<br/>
“What is it, Ibara? I won’t know until you say something.” It was at this moment that Jun realised how <em> vulnerable </em> Ibara looked. Ibara usually put on a mask so thick that it was impossible to see what exactly he was thinking and feeling, but now his expression was revealing everything and Jun didn’t know how to respond.<br/>
“Just try and get some rest. I need to go back to the party soon.”<br/>
“I wish those… idiots would just… leave Eden alone…”<br/>
“Yeah, same.”<br/>
“Eden is mine… why do they think they can interfere with… something I worked so hard for…”</p><p>Ibara was rambling, but Jun knew better than to ignore what he was saying. It was a rare moment of insight into Ibara’s mind, and he wanted to listen because these were thoughts that Ibara purposefully kept hidden away from the world to avoid damaging his reputation. Even though Ibara was not in the right state of mind, him saying whatever was on his mind in front of Jun was a sign of how much trust he had in him, despite the fact that he usually stressed that their relationship was only that of business partners.<br/>
“Getting help… would be really nice…” Ibara continued.<br/>
“You’re not alone in this. Please rely on us a little bit more.”<br/>
“But… I don’t want you guys to get hurt...”</p><p>“We’re stronger as a unit, we can protect you!”<br/>
“I need to… knock them down by myself… to prove that I’m better…”<br/>
“That’s not worth it if you’re just going to get hurt in the process. I know you don’t like it when people pity you, but we’re all worried about you.”<br/>
“Let me… do it… so you don’t have to suffer…”<br/>
“Ibara, we care about you, okay? At least let us help.”<br/>
“I love you, Jun… but I don’t want you… to get hurt…”</p><p>Jun never thought that he’d hear Ibara saying it, but Ibara spoke with so much raw emotion that it was as if the Ibara he talked to a few hours earlier and the Ibara he was talking to now were completely different people. The Ibara a few hours earlier was ill-natured, selfish and manipulative, a person who perfectly crafted every word and action to control others to get what he wanted. It was a practiced skill that was the result of years and years of experience in the cold, harsh business world. Before that, Ibara spent his early years at a military facility where he slowly learned that weakness was not tolerated, and even as a child, he had learned to build up a formidable defence that could not be torn down even as he held an entire company and a powerful idol unit on his shoulders.</p><p>But here he was, confessing his love, revealing the deepest of emotions that he had repressed for who knows how long because emotion was considered a weakness even though it was an essential part of being human. Under normal circumstances, those words could have been uttered without many repercussions, but for Ibara, those words were so dangerous to him that it was almost as if he was putting his life on the line just by feeling them. Except, he wasn’t saying it to a crowd of people who were more than ready to drag him down to the ground and loot whatever was left behind; Ibara was saying it to Jun and Jun only, in an empty dorm room where no one else could hear them, far away from the battlefield known as society.</p><p>At first, it wasn’t obvious behind the glasses, but Jun realised that Ibara was crying.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Ibara Saegusa was crying. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>“I’ll be fine.” Jun didn’t know whether that was the right response, and he could only pray that it was. Tears spilled out of Ibara’s eyes and Jun didn’t stop himself from taking off the glasses to wipe the tears with his hands. Usually, the only sort of physical contact Jun would have with Ibara was during the rare occasions when Jun’s lessons were taken by Ibara (instead of Hiyori) and his posture or movements were being corrected, but being able to touch Ibara like this was a whole different level of intimacy that Jun didn’t think he was ready for. He was about to get up to reach for the tissue box on the nearby table, but right when Jun’s hand almost left Ibara’s face, he felt a hand hold his in place. </p><p>“Don’t… go…” Ibara’s voice was choked as he weakly squeezed Jun’s hand. Jun knew that he could easily take his hand out, but from the way Ibara looked at him with fear and desperation, there was no way that he was going to move. He didn’t care that there was a party that he had to go back to, he wasn’t going to leave when Ibara needed him most.<br/>
“Don’t worry, I’m not going anywhere, I promise.” Jun replied, a tight feeling in his chest, because he was swept up in the emotions too. Ibara turned and nuzzled Jun’s hand before kissing his palm; it was so tender that Jun felt something break inside him. He stopped caring that their relationship was nowhere near close enough for this sort of intimacy; Ibara was hurt and had always been hurt, and there was no way that he wasn’t going to take the time to comfort him. </p><p>Jun’s other free hand lost itself in Ibara’s hair. It was unbelievably soft; fair enough considering that he was an idol, but something about doing this made him think of the times he played with Bloody Mary and how happy the dog seemed whenever he gave it headpats. Jun gently massaged Ibara’s head, savouring the feeling of his hair, and Ibara gave a hum of satisfaction in response. He realised that he didn’t mind doing this at all, in fact he found that he was more than willing to offer this to Ibara. Was it because he saw Ibara as someone more than a friend? Jun felt that he was jumping to conclusions too quickly, but he’d sort his feelings out later. Right now, Ibara was beside him, laying bare absolutely every part of him that he hid away from the world, because reality was cruel and he had to put up a wall of smiles and lies just to protect himself.</p><p>Jun’s phone began to buzz in his pocket and at first he was afraid that it disturbed Ibara, but immediately felt relief when Ibara didn’t react to it. Jun decided that what happened in this room was going to stay in this room, and he’d come up with something to tell Hiyori later. </p><p>Eventually, Ibara’s movements slowed to a stop and his breathing became regular. Jun looked down on his sleeping face, before running his hand through Ibara’s hair one more time.<br/>
“Goodnight.” Jun knew that Ibara couldn’t hear him, but it felt wrong not to say anything. He stood up from the couch and left the dorm as quietly as possible.</p><p>He had to spend some time to recover before he began making his way back to the party.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Jun cursed that his schedule was packed the next day because he desperately wanted to check on Ibara, and unfortunately there was no Eden lunch scheduled in for that day either. He tried calling and texting, but he couldn’t get through and it made Jun extremely anxious. </p><p>That evening, he finally finished his individual practice and he bolted straight for the CosPro offices. Chloe was all smiles as she spoke to the previous person, but her expression was immediately serious when she saw Jun’s.<br/>
“Sazanami-san, is everything okay?”<br/>
“Is Ibara in his office?”<br/>
“Yes, why?”<br/>
“I need to see him.”<br/>
“Go all the way to the end, turn right, second last door on the right.” </p><p>Jun thanked Chloe quickly and ran all the way. Thankfully most of the staff had already gone home and Jun didn’t have to worry about bumping into people by accident. The door in question was labelled with Ibara’s name and his status as vice president, and Jun knocked, trying to suppress the pounding of his heart in his ears.<br/>
“Come in!” </p><p>“Ibara!! Are you okay?!” Jun almost shouted as he entered. Ibara, seated at his desk, gave him a quizzical look.<br/>
“Yes! There’s no need to raise your voice. Did you have any other business with me? I was late to work today, so I’m staying back later to catch up. I apologise for missing your calls and texts!”<br/>
“I… I mean… are you really okay? How do you feel?”<br/>
“I feel fine. Why are you so worried?”<br/>
“Of course I’m worried! Don’t you know what happened yesterday? Should you even be at work right now?”<br/>
“Yesterday? Ah… to tell you the truth, I barely remember anything that happened!” </p><p>Jun froze.<br/>
“Do you mind filling me in? I recall that we were supposed to have a dinner party, and I’m sure that there are some important details that you should inform me of!” Jun didn’t process Ibara’s statement, as he could only picture that executive member about to rape Ibara, knowing full well that he was going to remember none of it because of the drug. Jun didn’t want to see it, hell, he wished that he could un-see it, but that wasn’t possible and the image of Ibara being almost defiled played itself on repeat in his mind and he wished that it would stop.</p><p>“Jun? Are you listening to me?”<br/>
“Goddamn!! How could he-” Jun yelled, but stopped himself when he saw Ibara’s confused expression.<br/>
“Is there something that I need to know?”<br/>
“... Sorry Ibara, I have to go now.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>“Ah, Sazanami-kun, what do you need?” Makoto greeted Jun as he approached the information bureau office.<br/>
“I need some CCTV footage of something.”<br/>
“What for?”<br/>
“I’m going to file a police report against someone.”<br/>
“I’m sorry, but we’ve almost packed up-”<br/>
“I need it now!” Jun raised his voice and Makoto jumped. “... Sorry, Yuuki-san. I didn’t mean to scare you.”<br/>
“A-ah, it’s okay… What did you want me to look at?”<br/>
“The time frame is around 7:30-8PM, it’s in one of the corridors on the 19th floor.”</p><p>“Oh! That’s during the CosPro dinner party, right?”<br/>
“Yeah.”<br/>
“Do you want to help me? We can sit in the office together to look things through.”</p><p>“Sounds good. That way we can get it done faster.”<br/>
“Okay, give me a few minutes to get the data.” They entered the information bureau office together. Makoto booted up a computer.</p><p>Fortunately, Makoto didn’t take long. Initially there was nothing, and then Jun saw it.<br/>
“What… what’s this…” Makoto covered his mouth as he watched the scene unfold. They watched as Ibara walked briskly out from the hall, and then as he travelled further and further, his movements became sluggish and eventually he had to lean against a wall to keep himself upright. Another man emerged from the hall, apparently looking for something, and it didn’t take long for him to spot Ibara. The man pinned Ibara to the wall, a few words were exchanged, and then-</p><p>Jun really wished that he could look away but he forced himself to watch as Ibara was groped.<br/>
“Isn’t… isn’t that… another CosPro executive…?” Makoto managed as the situation that played out on the screen quickly worsened as the man began to take off Ibara’s clothes.<br/>
“Yeah. The fucking bastard.” Jun cursed under his breath. Holy shit, he was so mad right now and it took every ounce of willpower to hold himself back from putting his fist through the screen. “I’m sorry for having to show you this.”<br/>
“N-no, it’s my job, after all! How did you know that this was happening?”<br/>
“I stopped him.” </p><p>As if on cue, Jun appeared on the screen, rushing to the scene and throwing a punch at the man.<br/>
“That’s all there is. I just need that section.”<br/>
“Actually, you know what? I’ll get as much information as I can regarding that guy and write up the report for you.”<br/>
“Are you sure? Don’t you have school?”<br/>
“Yeah, but this is really serious… I want to be able to help as much as I can!”<br/>
“... Okay then. Thanks for the help.”<br/>
“I’ll let you know when I’ve sent it off.”</p><p>That damned man was finally going to get what he deserved. Jun thought that this would allow him to sleep a little easier, but it didn’t help at all.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>For a moment, Jun considered that Ibara was lying about not remembering anything and that pretending it never happened was just a coping mechanism, but the next time they had group practice a few days later, Ibara was acting so normally that Jun realised that he really had lost his memory. He knew that Ibara was a good actor; Jun never could have guessed that Ibara had so many repressed emotions, but sexual assault was traumatic to say the least and Jun would have been able to see hints of it no matter how hard Ibara could cover it up. He had seen the psychological effects of it first hand as a non-special student and he knew exactly what kinds of mental damage it did.</p><p>“Jun, is there something you want to tell me?” When practice ended, Jun realised too late that he had been staring at Ibara.<br/>
“No. I was thinking and you just happened to be in front of me.”<br/>
“Have you been getting enough rest? You didn’t seem to be that focused today.” Ibara cleaned his glasses and gathered his belongings.<br/>
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Jun lied. He had been spending way too much time thinking about that night, not just about Ibara but about his own feelings as well, and why he acted the way he did. He had tried to dig up all of his past interactions with Ibara to find clues, but nothing had clicked yet.<br/>
“Don’t lie, Jun-kun.” Hiyori crossed his arms. “You should go back to the dorm right now and go to bed.”</p><p>“Ohii-san, I still-”<br/>
“I’ll drag you to your dorm if you don’t go back now!” Jun was about to say that he needed to go to the gym, and he definitely wasn’t keen on skipping out. He looked at Ibara to see if he was able to offer any assistance in this situation, but the producer had already gotten to work on his tablet.<br/>
“Just let me work out and then I’ll go back. Besides, since you’ve already graduated, are you even allowed to go back to the dorms?”<br/>
“I can do whatever I want!” Jun sighed.<br/>
“... I think you should listen to Hiyori-kun’s advice. It’s important to take care of your health.” Nagisa spoke up.</p><p>Jun saw Ibara freeze momentarily, as if he had read something shocking, and then he was tapping away at this tablet furiously.<br/>
“... Hmm? What’s wrong, Ibara?” The leader of Eden immediately noticed, but Ibara paid no heed until Nagisa came close enough to see the screen.<br/>
“It’s nothing that you need to worry about, Your Excellency!” Ibara quickly hid the screen from Nagisa.<br/>
“... Okay.” Jun could see that Nagisa wasn’t completely buying it.<br/>
“Well, practice is over and I want to go back and take a bath~” Hiyori stretched his arms and turned to walk away. “Good practice today, see you guys at lunch tomorrow! Jun-kun, if I find out that you didn’t go back to the dorm immediately, you will be punished!”<br/>
“Fine fine, Ohii-san.” </p><p>The door shut as Hiyori left.<br/>
“... Ibara, is there anything else that you need to tell me?” Nagisa asked.<br/>
“You’re free to go, Your Excellency!”<br/>
“... Then I will go now. Thank you for today.” He left the room. </p><p>Jun decided that he’d go back to his dorm to take an early night. He could deal with sleeping a little less hours for one night, but not getting enough over a couple of days was taking its toll and he found that he couldn’t do as well as he’d liked to during work and practice. Considering Eden’s popularity, it was important that he could give it his all. He turned to leave the room, but Ibara stopped him.<br/>
“You’re coming with me to my office.” Jun was rarely summoned to Ibara’s office, but whenever he was, Ibara always made it sound like a request that he could turn down if he wanted to. This time, Ibara had issued a command and it made Jun uneasy.<br/>
“Am I needed for something?”<br/>
“Yes.” </p><p>It didn’t take long for them to reach their destination.<br/>
“Jun, you’re going to tell me why one of the executives of Cosmic Production has been arrested and why you were involved.” Ibara’s voice dripped with venom.<br/>
“How did you find out?”<br/>
“I was informed by the rest of the executives.”<br/>
“No, I mean, how did you know I was involved?”<br/>
“Yuuki-san told me that you were the one that requested the footage.” Ibara was getting angrier and Jun didn’t like where this was going. “Now, what happened and why are you involved when you have no inside knowledge? Why didn’t you tell me about this?”</p><p>Jun remembered hearing the stories and comforting the other non-special students that had been raped by their seniors and he sure as hell didn’t want Ibara to have to go through that amount of suffering. Ibara already had so much on his plate and Jun was afraid that Ibara was finally going to buckle and collapse under the weight if he added on anymore. As much as Jun wasn’t confident in his ability to lie successfully in front of Ibara, it was better than telling him the truth.<br/>
“They raped someone. I saw it happen.”<br/>
“Who was it?”<br/>
“One of the other idols. I don’t know who they are.”<br/>
“What exactly happened that night?”</p><p>“I saw them exit the dining place but they didn’t come back after a while, so I went to investigate and then I stumbled upon them. I took them down to the infirmary and that was it.”<br/>
“Are you sure?”<br/>
“Yeah.”<br/>
“Then how come I’m the one with no recollection on what happened for almost the whole day, and then the first thing you do the day after is barge into my office and ask if I’m okay?” </p><p>Shit. Jun forgot that Ibara was smart.<br/>
“Tell me the whole truth, Jun.”<br/>
“If you’ve already figured out that much, then I don’t need to tell you anything.”<br/>
“Why are you not telling me anything?”<br/>
“Because-” </p><p>“<em> Jun. </em> ”<br/>
“I’m not telling you anything! Can’t we just leave it at that?”<br/>
“I have the right to know if it concerns me.”<br/>
“I’m still not going to tell you.”<br/>
“Oh look, what timing!” Ibara opened up his tablet. “Yuuki-san sent me the footage that I requested. That must mean that I was involved.”<br/>
“Ibara!!” Jun reached for the tablet but Ibara grabbed his wrist. </p><p>“Why are you not letting me watch it?”<br/>
“Just don’t do it!”<br/>
“I <em> will </em> watch it. Leave now or I will physically restrain you.” </p><p>Jun knew that this was it. Ibara had military training ingrained in him and there was no way that he could best him in a fight. Even though he had just failed in letting Ibara find out about it all, he wanted to at least control the damage.<br/>
“... At least let me be here with you.” Jun responded, defeated.<br/>
“Why?” </p><p><em> Because you love me and I can protect your feelings </em> , but Jun couldn’t bring himself to say it.<br/>
“Just hurry up and get it over and done with, goddamn…” </p><p>They seated themselves on one of the couches and the video began to roll. Jun did his best to focus on Ibara; he certainly didn’t want to watch this again.<br/>
“What is happening at the beginning of the video?” He asked. Jun remembered that Ibara had no memory of much of the day.<br/>
“Nagi-senpai told Ohii-san and I that you had excused yourself from the dinner party since you weren’t feeling well. Later I found out that your drink had been spiked.”<br/>
“...” </p><p>Ibara’s eyes widened as the main events of the video unfolded, and Jun fought an urge to pull Ibara closer to him as the Ibara on the screen was sexually assaulted. When the video ended, the producer’s expression was frozen in shock.<br/>
“... I didn’t want you to know about this because I know what pain it can cause. There’s so many non-special students that get raped by their seniors and… I didn’t want you to suffer like them. I thought that it would have been better if you never knew about what happened.” Jun said. Ibara didn’t respond. Jun desperately wanted to do something to comfort Ibara but Ibara’s mind was currently extremely fragile and he didn’t want to risk doing the wrong thing.</p><p>None of them talked for the next minute.</p><p>“Thank you for saving me, Jun.” Ibara finally said.<br/>
“I’m sorry that I couldn’t be there earlier.”<br/>
“You did everything that you could have done, and I’m glad that good-for-nothing employee is in police custody now. What happened afterwards?”<br/>
“I took you down to the infirmary to get you checked. They said that you would be fine after some rest, so then I took you back to your dorm and put you down on the couch. I waited for you to fall asleep before I went back to the party.”<br/>
“Did I say anything in particular?”</p><p>Jun swallowed hard as all of the emotions from that night came back to him and suddenly his chest tightened so much that it was difficult to breathe.<br/>
“... No, you didn’t.”<br/>
“Please don’t lie to me, Jun.”<br/>
“Are you sure you really want to know?”<br/>
“Of course! Why would I not want to know?” Ibara turned to look at Jun and his glare burned right into his soul. Jun took a deep breath.</p><p>“You love me. That’s what you told me that night.”</p><p>Ibara didn’t react at first, but his expression slowly changed to one of anger.<br/>
“That’s impossible. That… that can’t be true.”<br/>
“That’s what I thought at first too, but from the way you said it… it was hard not to believe you.”<br/>
“Wasn’t I drugged?”<br/>
“Yes, but-”<br/>
“Then there’s no need for you to take anything I said during that time seriously.”<br/>
“You also said that you wanted the executives to leave Eden alone.”<br/>
“That’s true-” Ibara didn’t stop himself in time.</p><p>“If that was true, then there’s a reason for me to think that what you said had some truth to it.”<br/>
“I won’t deny that I wish those higher ups would allow me to have full control of Eden, but love? Don’t make me laugh, Jun.”<br/>
“If you think I’m making it up, I’m not. Why won’t you accept it?”<br/>
“You realise that even if I accept it, there’s nothing I can do about it, right? I am a producer, and you’re an idol. A relationship would absolutely destroy both of us. I’m sure you treasure your current position in Eden, and I’m not willing to risk throwing everything away just because I had some stupid feelings for someone else. That’s not to say that I have those feelings in the first place.”<br/>
“Don’t you want to have friends by your side?” </p><p>“Friends? I’ve come this far <em> because </em> I had no friends. Everything in the business world becomes easier when you see people as numbers.”<br/>
“You’re pushing us away because you just want to protect us, isn’t that right?”<br/>
“We’re business partners, nothing more and nothing less! Of course I would make sure that Eden is sheltered from as much damage as possible, otherwise I wouldn’t be making such a profit!”<br/>
“No, I mean you’re protecting us as people! Everything internally in CosPro must be a mess and you’re just distancing yourself so that the rest of us don’t have to get caught in the crossfire.”<br/>
“What nonsense are you talking about?”</p><p>“You told me.”<br/>
“...”<br/>
“You… you said that you loved me but you didn’t want to because-”<br/>
“Get out.”<br/>
“Ibara-”<br/>
“Get out!” </p><p>Ibara put his face into his hands. A wave of guilt and regret crashed into Jun as he realised that he had pushed Ibara too far.</p><p>“Sorry.” He tried to apologise, but Ibara didn’t react. Jun made his way to the door and exited the office.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Ibara found that his hands were wet with tears as he pulled his face away from them, he couldn’t help but laugh bitterly, taking off his glasses to wipe his eyes. He didn’t know what was happening; nothing made sense, nothing Jun said was making any sense, everything was crumbling down and he wished he could crawl into a hole and let someone else deal with everything. There was something he was craving, but he didn’t know what. More work? There was always a mountain of work to do. Sleep? He had gotten enough hours the previous night and he felt wide awake. A warm meal? He had eaten dinner earlier today and his stomach wasn’t empty. A hot shower? He wasn’t feeling cold at all, plus the heater in his office did its job well enough.</p><p>A hug? A head massage? Someone to tell him that everything was going to be okay?</p><p>“Shut up… shut up…” Ibara clutched his head, wishing he could force shut down his brain if only for a moment, but his thoughts and emotions continued to spiral out of control and there was nothing he could do but sit there and be torn apart by them.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Ibara didn’t turn up to Eden’s scheduled lunch the next day. Nagisa informed Hiyori and Jun that he was caught up with work, but Jun knew exactly what was going on.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Two weeks later… </em>
</p><p>Jun showed up to his practice session before the allocated time since he had finished work earlier that day, but to his surprise, he found Ibara practicing in the room. Jun was confused as usually Ibara was working at this time. Considering he had arrived early, he decided to wait outside for Ibara to pack up, until he noticed the way Ibara was dancing and singing. Given the amount of talent Ibara had, his dancing and singing was almost always impeccable even during practice, but this time, his movements seemed stiff and his voice was almost hoarse and out of control. There was a live show not far away from now, but Ibara looked like he was struggling and Jun didn’t know what to think. Ibara was somehow always on top of his game as an idol despite his extremely packed schedule, but right now, he was uncharacteristically behind.</p><p>Jun closed the door quietly and set his water bottle and towel down on a nearby foldable chair, and it soon became apparent that Ibara didn’t realise that he was there. Ibara finished a phrase of the song and then he leaned on his knees, panting hard. Even from a distance, Jun could see the sweat all over Ibara’s face and neck.<br/>
“Ibara, you okay?” Ibara jolted upright and whipped around to look at Jun.<br/>
“H-huh? When did you get here?”<br/>
“Not long. You don’t look like you’re okay.”</p><p>Ibara cleaned his glasses before he made his way to his towel and water bottle.<br/>
“I need to practice a little more on my own, but it seems that my time is up. You’re booked for this room now, so I’ll take my leave.”<br/>
“Are you going to be busy?” Jun asked.<br/>
“What is it? Do you need something?”<br/>
“Uh… yeah. We have group practice tomorrow and I want to see what you think about how I’m doing.” At first, Jun thought that Ibara had paused to think for a moment, but as the silence stretched, he realised that something else entirely was happening inside Ibara’s mind. “Actually, don’t worry about it-”<br/>
“Ah, I apologise, I spaced out for a moment. Show me what you’ve worked on.”</p><p>“No, it’s okay, Ibara. You should go and rest.” Now that Jun was closer to Ibara, he noticed the bags under his eyes, hidden behind his glasses and makeup that had begun to wear off due to the sweat.<br/>
“I’m your producer after all, it would be a problem if you had some underlying concerns that aren't addressed. Besides, this is a nice break from staring at a computer screen all day.”<br/>
“Are you sure you’ve been getting enough sleep? You’re usually sharp but you didn’t notice me coming in.”<br/>
“I was so focused on practice that I wasn’t aware of your presence! There is no need to worry about me.”<br/>
“Of course I’m worried. You haven’t turned up to Eden’s scheduled lunchtimes since the last time I properly talked to you and-”<br/>
“This is about that night again, isn’t it? Let’s not get distracted, dance for me.” </p><p>Ibara had instantly shut down that line of conversation, but Jun knew better than to push it further. He internally sighed, putting himself in the centre of the room, and he began his routine. As much as he tried to focus, his eyes constantly remained on Ibara’s seated figure for longer than he wanted to and it was always enough to throw him off a little. Ibara was tired, but Jun was sure that he caught on every single time from the way his expression grew increasingly irritated as time went by. Finally, he was finished, and Ibara took a deep breath before rising from his seat.<br/>
“Jun, how is it possible that you have made so little progress over the past two weeks?” Jun opened his mouth to respond before realising that he had no answers. He dug into his memories about his solo practice sessions, but everything seemed to be fine. </p><p>“Also, you haven’t been behind this much before. Why is this happening now?” Ibara continued.<br/>
“I don’t know.”<br/>
“Let’s start from the beginning.” Ibara sat down again and Jun took a moment to reset mentally.</p><p>The situation didn’t improve. If anything, it got worse. Ibara stopped Jun half an hour later.<br/>
“Go and take a five minute break. Use this time to get rid of whatever is on your mind.” Jun looked down, disappointed in himself for underperforming in front of Ibara, but he was feeling restless and didn’t particularly want to stop now. However, Ibara was above him as the one taking his lesson, so he obeyed anyway, taking a quick drink. Ibara set a timer on his phone before taking Jun’s place in the centre of the room, opting to use Jun’s break to practice himself.<br/>
“You didn’t look so good before when you were practicing, I don’t think it’s a good idea to push yourself.” Jun commented.<br/>
“I’m increasing my practice in order to improve myself.”<br/>
“There’s no point practicing if you’re just going to drive yourself to burnout.” </p><p>“I can choose to use my time however I want, as long as I excel as an idol, vice president and producer. You’re the one who needs more practice. Do you want me to schedule additional lessons?” Ibara was dancing the whole time he spoke, but he didn’t look any better than before.<br/>
“Don’t suddenly change the topic to be about me, Ibara. I’m worried about you.” Ibara stopped at Jun’s words and he turned to glare at him.<br/>
“Why are you so hung up about what happened then? That’s in the past, if anything we should be thinking about the live instead.”<br/>
“You’re concealing your eyebags with makeup. That tells me quite a bit about what your mental state has been like.”</p><p>“So you’ve spotted that.”<br/>
“I’m asking you to go rest because-”<br/>
“Do you have feelings for me?”</p><p>The question caught Jun completely by surprise.<br/>
“... Huh?”<br/>
“So you do, right? Is that why you’re asking me to rest?” Even though it was a noticeable amount of time ago since that incident occurred, Jun realised that he still hadn’t been able to think things properly through. Was he concerned as a business partner? As a friend? As someone he had feelings for? He didn’t know, and he hated that he was stupid enough to not know, but maybe this interaction could answer his questions.<br/>
“I don’t know.”<br/>
“You don’t usually maintain eye contact as much as you did today, but every time you did, something went off with your movements and your voice.”<br/>
“...” Ibara’s perceptiveness was one thing that allowed him to assume such a powerful position in the business world, but in this situation, Jun didn’t like that he had such an ability.</p><p>“Answer my question, Jun.”<br/>
“Why do you want to know?”<br/>
“Because I need to know whether I need to repeat myself that you cannot have those feelings at all.”<br/>
“You can’t just suppress feelings and think that it’ll all go well. You’re living evidence of it.”<br/>
“Are you still sticking to the argument that I somehow love you and therefore I should act on it? I’ve already told you that I don’t have such feelings.”<br/>
“This is just your way of pushing me away, right?”<br/>
“If pushing away means reaffirming our relationship as business partners, then I’m doing exactly that. Besides, it’s clear that your feelings are getting in the way of your performance, so I need you to put them down as much as possible so that our next live can be successful.”</p><p>“And what if I can’t, or I choose not to do it?”<br/>
“Then I will force you to leave Eden and terminate your contract with CosPro.”</p><p>Jun realised that he had indirectly admitted that he had something for Ibara, but it was way too late to take back his words. He was also sure that Ibara was saying all of this because he was still emotionally affected by the incident.<br/>
“Is this your way of running away from the problem without solving it?”<br/>
“I’m tired of this topic. Can we please stop talking about it?”<br/>
“If you keep on pushing people away like this, you’re just going to continue being alone.”</p><p>For a moment, Jun saw something in Ibara’s eyes. Ibara quickly got his act together and put on his mask again, but it was already too late.<br/>
“You talk as if being alone is painful.” Ibara stated.<br/>
“It is. You’re just dealing with it by pretending that it isn’t, right?”<br/>
“...”<br/>
“I know that you don’t remember this, but you begged for me not to go, so even if you keep on trying to push me away, I won’t leave you alone. I promised that and I’m not going to break it no matter how hard you try to resist me.”</p><p>Ibara’s expression was mostly blank, but Jun knew that there was chaos in Ibara’s mind from the way he looked at him. It was at this moment that Jun knew exactly what his feelings were, and what he was going to do with them.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Jun’s schedule finished earlier to allow him more time to rest up for the live show tomorrow. The final group practice session had finished and all of Eden parted their separate ways in order to go home and conduct selfcare. It was only late afternoon by the time Jun arrived at his dorm, and he bumped into a stressed Kohaku who was rushing to work after class. From this, he learned that Kohaku wouldn’t return until late at night and that there was no need for him to worry about dinner as he was going to get a meal with the rest of Crazy B. Jun thought about Niki and how the rest of his unit could already be served a top-quality meal without having to go out, and he debated on improving his own cooking skills, but that would mean having to cook for Hiyori more and he really needed his alone time without his annoying senior.</p><p>He set his belongings down beside his bed and took a quick shower, but right as he finished getting dressed, there was a knock on the door. Jun thought that maybe it was Kohaku coming back because he forgot something (like his dorm keys), but he got quite the surprise when he opened the door.<br/>
“Ibara? What are you doing here?”<br/>
“There’s something urgent I’d like to speak with you about in person. Can I come in?”<br/>
“Are you even allowed here?”<br/>
“I’m the vice president of Cosmic Production! There’s many things I’m allowed to do due to my position.” </p><p>Jun wasn’t particularly sure whether that position even meant anything regarding his access to Reimei’s dorms, but considering Ibara was here and in his casual attire, Jun came to the conclusion that no one had minded Ibara just waltzing into a school that he had never attended. Jun gave Ibara the way into his dorm, and the latter took off his shoes before looking around.<br/>
“It’s quite neat.”<br/>
“Yeah. Neither Sakura-kun nor I keep many things so our dorm is pretty empty.”<br/>
“I’d like to get down to business as soon as possible, may I sit on the couch?”<br/>
“Yeah. I’ll sit down too.”</p><p>When they were seated, Jun was strongly reminded of that night again, except Ibara was upright and sound of mind, when he had been lying down and drugged before.<br/>
“What did you want to talk to me about?” Jun asked. Ibara looked to the side and adjusted his glasses.<br/>
“I want to know what exactly I did after you carried me to my dorm. Please give me as many details as possible.”<br/>
“Why do you want to know?”<br/>
“I think you would want to know if you were in my position.”</p><p>Jun closed his eyes. He could vividly remember what happened that night as if it were yesterday.<br/>
“You cried.” Ibara spent a moment to process Jun’s words.<br/>
“How embarrassing. What else?”<br/>
“Uh…” Jun knew that it was only going to get worse from here. “I went to wipe your tears with my hands, then I went to reach for the tissues, but… you wouldn’t let me.”<br/>
“...”<br/>
“You… you held onto my hand and then… you nuzzled and kissed it.” </p><p>Jun watched as Ibara’s face slowly turned into the same shade of colour as his hair, and for a moment, he looked lost, before he resumed his straight expression.<br/>
“... Show me.”<br/>
“What do you mean?”<br/>
“Show me how I did it.” Ibara held his hand out to Jun. Jun looked at the hand, and then when he made eye contact with Ibara again, he realised that Ibara was dead serious. This confused him; didn’t Ibara hate physical affection? He decided at this moment that the best thing to do was to stop thinking and then whatever happened next was going to happen. </p><p>Jun noticed how soft Ibara’s skin was; it was probably the result of years of constant care considering he was an idol, and he couldn’t help but savour it as he brought Ibara’s hand closer to his face. His chest was tight, breathing was hard and there were butterflies in his stomach, but Jun closed his eyes and that helped him get through the very first step okay. His nose touched Ibara’s hand, and then his lips, and then he was lost in the memory of it again, doing his best to imitate exactly what Ibara had done. For some reason, he remembered every single sensation, every time Ibara’s nose brushed his hand, every time Ibara’s lips pressed gently into his palm, and he was almost overwhelmed again, just like he had been at that time. His heart was pounding hard, but there was something about returning the intimacy that made him forget about absolutely everything else except for Ibara.</p><p>Ibara’s hand was warm, Jun realised.</p><p>It all happened too quickly. Ibara retracted his palm and used his other hand to bring Jun’s face closer to his and suddenly they were kissing, and just the gentle movement of his lips was enough to send Jun’s mind into emotional overdrive. No more masks, no more denial, it was just Ibara spilling all of the love that he had bottled up over who knows how long and Jun was more than happy to accept and return it. Jun tilted his head to get a better angle and felt around for Ibara’s free hand; when he found it, he held onto it, entwining their fingers together, and his other hand went up to stroke Ibara’s cheek. Everything felt so warm and tender and Jun sorely wished that this could last forever because he was sure that this was one of the happiest moments of his life.</p><p>Ibara kept his face close to Jun’s as they parted for air, but soon they resumed. Ibara opened his mouth to use his tongue, but Jun beat him to it. As messy as this kiss was, Jun somehow didn’t find it gross, but if anything it felt extremely intimate. He opened his eyes for a moment, his heart in his throat, and he saw that Ibara’s eyes were closed as if he was trying to enjoy this just as much as he was. Jun couldn’t stop a groan from the back of his throat as Ibara began to massage Jun’s head; it felt good, the kiss felt good, and Jun found it irritating that Ibara was somehow good at everything he did even with no experience.</p><p>This time a string of saliva formed when they separated, and Ibara was quick to recover and go in once again, kissing with more intensity than before; Jun thought that he couldn’t be any more into the moment than he already was, but Ibara proved him wrong. With his free hand, Jun grasped Ibara’s shoulder, gently pushing him down onto the couch, and Ibara submitted. Soon, Jun was on top of him, and kissing horizontally elevated the whole experience so much that Jun was getting dizzy. It only got worse as Ibara resumed massaging his head, and Jun tried to return the favour, doing the best that he could while supporting his own weight with an elbow. The last thing he wanted was to destroy the mood by crushing Ibara accidentally.</p><p>Even though he was hovering over him, Jun could feel Ibara’s warmth as they continued. Jun didn’t mind doing this all day, hell, this was certainly addictive and if he hadn’t already lost track of time, he definitely had now. It could have been a minute, it could have been an hour, but Jun didn’t care, and it didn’t seem like Ibara cared either, because he wasn’t stopping Jun at all. In fact, it seemed more like Ibara was doing the opposite as he held Jun’s head firmly in place, and Jun was very happy to stay where he was. Ibara told him that night not to go after all, and Jun wasn’t going anywhere, not when Ibara was finally giving Jun his everything, and the only right thing to do was for Jun to return the favour.</p><p>They broke apart again, and in the heat of the moment, Jun had forgotten that he was holding onto Ibara’s hand until Ibara squeezed it.</p><p>Jun suddenly realised that something didn’t feel quite right.<br/>
“... Ibara?”<br/>
“Yes?”<br/>
“Are you sure you’re okay with this?”<br/>
“Why are you asking?” Jun struggled to think of a way to word his response without triggering unnecessary emotions within Ibara.<br/>
“Uh… since <em> that </em>happened and all… I thought that you wouldn’t have wanted to do something like this.” </p><p>Jun’s stomach dropped as Ibara’s expression turned into a mixture of fear, anger and guilt.<br/>
“Sorry for ruining the mood-” Jun said when Ibara didn’t respond, but Ibara was quick to interrupt.<br/>
“Shut up and keep kissing me.”<br/>
“Wai-”</p><p>Ibara grabbed Jun’s head and pulled him down, silencing him with his lips on his, and from the way that Ibara grasped his hair, there was more to this kiss than just love. As much as Jun wanted to think about the situation a little more, Ibara wasn’t letting him as he began to use his tongue, and Jun failed to resist, opening his mouth and moving his tongue with Ibara’s. There was no way Jun was going to be able to make sense of what he was feeling while Ibara was doing this to him, and as much as he enjoyed the kiss, he wanted to sort out the unease that was slowly creeping its way through his gut. However, Ibara had other plans as he let go of Jun’s hand and used his now freed hand to keep Jun’s head in place, stopping him from escaping.</p><p>Jun resorted to using his arms to push himself away, but Ibara held on fast, moving one of his hands to wrap around his back, and Jun’s efforts only increased as he became seriously close to passing out. Eventually, he was successful, and it took him a moment to recover his breath before he could begin speaking.<br/>
“Can you not suffocate me? I almost passed out there.” Jun started, annoyed. Ibara just looked up at him, and as Jun opened his mouth to speak again, Ibara tried to kiss him again. Jun was ready and he resisted, his face inches away from Ibara’s. “Stop trying to kiss me and let me talk!”<br/>
“Aren’t you happy that you get to do this to me?”<br/>
“I mean… I love you but…” Jun averted his eyes. “I don’t know whether you really want this.”</p><p>Ibara didn’t say anything. Jun climbed off Ibara and seated himself on the couch, and soon, Ibara did the same.<br/>
“Look, this all happened really suddenly and… I don’t know about you, but I don’t think I’m ready for this yet. Maybe it’ll be better for us in the long run if we think about this, otherwise we might end up doing something we’ll both regret.” An awkward silence followed. Ibara was looking down at the ground the whole time and as much as Jun wasn’t feeling comfortable with the situation, this was most likely the best way out of it. Jun held down the instinct to pull Ibara closer to him, and soon, Ibara stood up, straightening his clothes.</p><p>“I’m leaving.” Ibara didn’t even turn to look at Jun before he disappeared through the door.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Jun was anxious as he waited with the rest of Eden in the artist’s waiting room before their live show, though this time, he wasn’t the most worried about himself. Ibara was seated in one of the sofas, tablet in hand, and he didn’t seem to be his usual calm and collected self as he tapped away.<br/>
“You sure it’s a good idea to be doing work right when we’re about to perform? I know you’re our producer, but you’re still an idol, you know.” Jun commented, sitting down beside Ibara. Ibara didn’t respond.<br/>
“Hey, Ibara-”<br/>
“Please be quiet, I’m trying to concentrate.” As much as Jun wanted to press further, he decided that it was not a good idea. The last thing he wanted was to make things worse and he didn’t want the live to be a disaster just because he ruined Ibara’s mental state.</p><p>Nagisa and Hiyori gave the pair a concerned look.<br/>
“... Ibara. Are you okay?” Nagisa asked.<br/>
“I’m fine, Your Excellency.”<br/>
“... You don’t usually work before we perform. Is there something wrong?” Ibara put the tablet down with a sigh and stood up.<br/>
“No. Everything is as planned.” Ibara began to pace the room. Jun could see the tension in his expression as he walked around, and he held down his urge to look in his direction.<br/>
“Don’t worry about it, Nagisa-kun!” Hiyori reassured Nagisa. “Even though Ibara might look like this, I’m sure that everything will be perfect as always!”</p><p>Silence. Hiyori’s words did nothing to lift the mood. Jun wasn’t sure whether he regretted telling Nagisa and Hiyori that Ibara just got suddenly sick that night of the CosPro dinner party without giving them any other details.</p><p>There was a knock on the door, and Nagisa answered it as he was the closest one to it.<br/>
“... It’s time for us to go on stage.” He spoke to the rest of Eden before heading out of the room, with Hiyori closely following. Jun went to follow his seniors, but he couldn’t help but turn around to look at Ibara, who had paused on his way out.<br/>
“Ibara-”<br/>
“It’s nothing.”</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Jun knew very well what Ibara’s on-stage persona was like, but the transformation was so sudden and drastic that it almost caught him by surprise. Amidst all the pressure, roaring fans and gold penlights, Ibara performed like he had almost every time. The stiffness in his movements and the hesitance in his voice from the dress rehearsal hours before was completely gone and Jun felt a surge of confidence at seeing Ibara like this on stage. He internally breathed a sigh of relief that he had worried about nothing and that he could count on Ibara as an idol when it came down to it. That moment of doubt that he had before in the waiting room was truly an experience that he never wanted to have again.</p><p>Time flew by and eventually it was over. Everyone had at least a bit of sweat on their faces, but Jun saw Ibara’s triumphant smile, illuminated by the stage lights, and he realised that this was an expression that he saved only for times like this. It was an expression that was plastered everywhere on all of those Eden posters, advertisements and magazines, but Jun knew very well that it was just a mask that he used to cover all of the pain and weakness underneath. </p><p>They walked off stage and towards their waiting room to gather their belongings.<br/>
“... Ibara.” Nagisa turned to look at the producer. Usually, Ibara was fairly talkative after a live, already eager to discuss their performance before launching into a debriefing, but this time, he was silent and looking at the ground as he walked alongside the rest of Eden.<br/>
“Hey, Ibara, are you-” Jun didn’t get to finish his sentence as Ibara’s legs gave away, and fortunately Jun moved fast enough to catch him before he hit the ground. “Ibara!” Jun called, panic rising as he laid him onto the ground to check his condition. Ibara was out cold and breathing heavily, and now that he could see him better, he was sweating a lot more than usual.<br/>
“I’m going to take him to the infirmary.” Jun hastily told Nagisa and Hiyori, scooping up Ibara and running off before his seniors got the chance to talk.</p><p>Jun knew that he could return to the dressing room right after dropping Ibara off to change and pack up, but the thought of having to be separated from him was causing him more emotional distress than he would have liked, so he ended up waiting while the nurse checked on Ibara. The nurse announced that he had quite the fever and recommended that he get a couple of days of bedrest to recover before resuming idol activities, and gave Jun names of some over-the-counter medication to help. The pharmacy was closed for today, so he made a mental note to visit it tomorrow.</p><p>Pack up was quickly handled (Jun dropped off Ibara’s belongings at the infirmary afterwards) and soon, Jun was back in his dorm at Reimei. As much as he wanted to rest, he spent a good amount of time tossing and turning, thinking about Ibara Saegusa.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Jun couldn’t believe what he was seeing when he visited the infirmary the next morning, with Ibara’s medicine in a bag.<br/>
“Goddamn, can you get off your tablet and rest properly?” Jun approached Ibara’s bed.<br/>
“At least let me hand off my work to Anzu.” Ibara responded without looking up from the screen. Jun sighed. As much as he was worried and wanted Ibara to recover as quickly as possible, so many things would go into chaos if Ibara had just disappeared off the face of the earth.<br/>
“How long are you going to take?”<br/>
“I’m almost done. By the way, do you not have work right now?”<br/>
“I talked to Anzu last night to tell her that you’re sick. She freed up my schedule a bit so that I could take care of you.”<br/>
“Am I a child now?”<br/>
“You’ll get better sooner if someone’s there to help you, you know.” </p><p>Ibara went silent. Jun interpreted it as him admitting defeat. </p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Later that day... </em>
</p><p>“I’m coming in.” Jun announced as he opened the door to Ibara’s dorm, using the spare key that Ibara had given him. He set down a bag containing a bottle of water, an apple, a thermos container and a spoon on the table, before turning to Ibara to make sure he wasn’t working. Thankfully, his tablet and phone were on a bedside table, and Ibara had propped himself up with a pillow on his bed, reading a book. Jun realised that he had never seen Ibara read before.<br/>
“Hmm? Is that dinner?” Ibara put down the book to look at Jun.<br/>
“Yeah. Did you eat your medicine?”<br/>
“Yes.”<br/>
“Good.”</p><p>Seeing Ibara in a plain white t-shirt and loose grey pants was an interesting sight. Jun realised that he had only seen him in the casual clothes he wore to work, their stage outfits, or his Shuetsu Academy uniform. Ibara made his way to the table, sitting down and opening the thermos container.<br/>
“Vegetable soup?”<br/>
“Yeah. Sorry if it doesn’t taste that good.”<br/>
“Taste is the least of my concerns. Did you give this to His Excellency too?”<br/>
“Yeah. Nagi-senpai said he liked it.”<br/>
“Let me know at some point what the cost of the ingredients were and I’ll pay you back.”<br/>
“You don’t need to. It’s not like I’m super poor or anything like that.” </p><p>Ibara didn’t bother to fight back. Jun guessed that it was because he was tired, so he jumped on his phone to check his social media and emails as Ibara ate to give him some peace and quiet. Not having any immediate feedback about his cooking initially made Jun nervous, but soon he was able to distract himself sufficiently with the screen in front of him. Eventually, the urge to watch Ibara eat grew, but he resisted it as it would only make the already awkward atmosphere worse. For what felt like hours, the room was filled only with the sounds of Ibara eating and the clinking of the spoon on the thermos container.<br/>
“Thanks for the meal.” Ibara finally said.<br/>
“No problem.” Jun took the spoon and the container, putting it back into the bag. “I’ll go wash this. Did you need anything else?”<br/>
“No. You can go back home.”<br/>
“Rest well.” </p><p>Jun promptly left the dorm, but not before making sure that Ibara had put himself into bed first.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>When Jun let himself into Ibara’s dorm again the next afternoon to deliver more food and water, Ibara was fast asleep and suddenly, he felt guilty that he had knocked on the door and entered in such a noisy fashion. He set the items down on the table again and made his way over to Ibara’s bed to wake him up, but as soon as he got a closer look at Ibara’s sleeping face, he really didn’t want to anymore. It reminded him of what Ibara looked like as he slept on the couch all those nights before, and subsequently, everything that happened since then, from Ibara watching that video, to getting kissed, to catching him as he collapsed. Considering how tired he looked during that time when Jun met him during that practice session, Jun concluded that Ibara’s body had given up on him due to overwork.</p><p>Jun was about to place a damp face towel on Ibara’s forehead when Ibara’s eyes slowly opened.<br/>
“... Jun?”<br/>
“Sorry for waking you up.”<br/>
“You don’t need to apologise. What time is it?”<br/>
“1PM. I brought you lunch and dinner.”<br/>
“Thank you.” The towel was on Ibara’s forehead, and Jun fought the urge to touch Ibara’s hair as he retracted his hands.<br/>
“I’m going to go now if you don’t need anything else.”<br/>
“You looked a lot like you wanted to do something.”</p><p>Ibara was perceptive even now and Jun didn’t enjoy being read like a book.<br/>
“It’s nothing.” Jun looked away.<br/>
“What did you want to do?” Ibara pressed.<br/>
“I… wanted to touch your hair.” Jun admitted.<br/>
“Then do it.” </p><p>Jun didn’t know what to do. On one hand, he couldn’t really label Ibara as a boyfriend yet considering they hadn’t started dating even though they had feelings for each other, and he was the one that made the point to hold off from it until both of them were ready. On the other hand, he wanted to be intimate with Ibara at least to some degree.<br/>
“No, I’m not going to.” Jun finally spoke after a pause.<br/>
“...” Ibara wasn’t giving Jun any clues as to what he was thinking and it was frustrating.<br/>
“You should go and eat soon. If there’s nothing else that you need, then I’ll go now. I’ll see you tonight-”<br/>
“Wait.”</p><p>Jun had turned to leave, but he faced Ibara again upon hearing him. “What is it?”<br/>
“Do you have work today?”<br/>
“I’m free for the next two hours or so. Why?”<br/>
“I wanted to ask you about something.” </p><p>Jun sat down on the edge of the bed. “What did you want to ask?”<br/>
“Did you enjoy what we did that day?” It took a moment, but eventually he was able to figure out what Ibara was talking about.<br/>
“... Yeah, I did. I didn’t really understand why people kissed at all until then.”<br/>
“Then why did you try to stop?”<br/>
“I don’t know. Something didn’t feel right.”<br/>
“So you just followed a mere gut feeling?”<br/>
“Sometimes your gut can tell you a lot of things that you won’t properly realise until it’s too late.”</p><p>Ibara broke eye contact, seemingly in deep thought. Jun’s mind blanked before Ibara spoke again.<br/>
“How would you know if you’re ready for a relationship?”<br/>
“Uh… I don’t know. I’m still figuring that out.”<br/>
“...”<br/>
“Are you asking because you wanted to start it as soon as possible?”<br/>
“...” Ibara’s silence was unsettling. Jun made a guess as to what Ibara was thinking.<br/>
“Maybe if we both think about it for a bit, the answer will come.”<br/>
“...”</p><p>When Jun went to leave again, Ibara didn’t stop him.</p><p> </p><p>---</p><p> </p><p>Jun didn’t get to spend time in private with Ibara for the next few weeks following his recovery. He would have been lying if he said that he didn’t miss it; he was worried about Ibara’s emotional state and he wanted to be with him to help him, but work took hold of both of them and eventually, everything settled back down to normal. They were just fellow unit members, and that was that; it was almost as if their relationship had returned to the point before the incident occurred. </p><p>Jun finished his individual practice as usual, and as he checked his phone after leaving the practice room, he noticed that Ibara had sent him a text, asking him to come to his office as soon as possible. Jun had never been summoned this way; Ibara was always one to book an appointment especially as he had control over Jun’s schedule, but he figured that it was urgent enough that it warranted a text. He mentally braced himself for what was about to come; urgent things were almost never good, and if Ibara was taking the time to do this out of his packed schedule, that meant that things could really be bad for him.</p><p>The receptionist at the CosPro offices gave Jun some directions, and soon, he was standing at the door to Ibara’s office, with the label on it confirming that he was in the right place. Jun took a deep breath and knocked.<br/>
“Ah, Jun! Come in.” Ibara smiled as he answered the door and let Jun into the office. It was exactly the same as he remembered; Ibara’s office was a cosy space, with little more than a sofa, desk, chairs for guests, and a bookshelf lined with folders. “Do you want anything to drink?”<br/>
“I’m good, thanks.”<br/>
“Sit with me.” Ibara seated himself at the sofa, leaving room for Jun to do the same.</p><p>This was definitely not about work, otherwise Ibara would have asked for him to sit at the desk.</p><p>“What did you want to talk to me about?”<br/>
“Ah! Well…” Jun could see Ibara’s facial expression shift to something softer. He was no longer looking at the vice president of Cosmic Production, the producer of Eden, or an idol of Eden; he was looking at Ibara Saegusa, the person behind the wall of schemes, manipulation and practiced smiles. The person that Jun loved.<br/>
“Is this about… um…” Jun was embarrassed enough that he couldn’t bring himself to say it.<br/>
“Yes.”</p><p>An awkward silence passed. Jun tried to look at Ibara for clues, but he made eye contact with him for a split second and both of them broke it as soon as possible.<br/>
“This is much worse than I had planned.” Ibara thought aloud, and for some reason it didn’t surprise Jun that Ibara had a script ready for this moment.<br/>
“Yeah.” They stopped talking again. As much as Jun tried to think of something to say, suddenly the faint whirring of the fan in Ibara’s computer was distracting and his train of thought was constantly broken as his attention unintentionally switched to the sound over and over again.<br/>
“If you’re ready, there is a gap in our schedules this weekend.” Ibara finally spoke. Jun turned to look at Ibara again and noticed that his face had almost turned the same shade of red as his hair. It was as if saying that cost him the willpower of all of humankind and the mental exertion had some side effects to it.</p><p>It finally hit Jun that <em> Ibara just asked him out </em>.</p><p>Was Jun ready to go into this? He realised that he was ready a while ago, and he had properly accepted that he would have to hide the relationship to the best of his ability, even if that meant spending less time than he would have liked with Ibara. It also didn’t help that Ibara was an extremely busy person, and even if they could see each other on a regular basis due to being in the same idol unit, they weren’t going to be in private that often at all. Jun could live with it; hell, he was already extremely grateful that his feelings were being returned in the first place because he had seen plenty of rejections during his time as a non-special student. </p><p>What had concerned him most was Ibara, and whether Ibara was ready for this. He had recently been through a traumatic experience, and the last thing that Jun wanted was for Ibara to enter into a relationship without having properly recovered from it, because a whole myriad of problems could happen. Ibara had already been hurt enough from life, and Jun didn’t want to become a source of emotional pain for him if things went south. The worst thing that could happen would be a messy split, and while Ibara was excellent at containing his emotions, Jun wasn’t sure whether he could shoulder the guilt of hurting the person that was the most important to him.</p><p>Jun couldn’t help but think about how Ibara interacted with him during Eden’s scheduled lunches, group practice and before live shows. As time progressed, Ibara seemed to have more and more control of himself, and Jun couldn’t be happier when he thought about how Ibara’s smiles seemed less forced, and how the energy he used to have began to return little by little. He had laughed a little more at Nagisa’s poor attempts at humour, reacted a little more to Hiyori’s comments, and fought back a little more whenever Jun teased him. Those conversations were rare, but being able to talk to Ibara like that again was not only a refreshing experience, but it reminded Jun that Ibara was getting better and better by the day. </p><p>Before he knew it, Jun had trusted Ibara in reflecting on his own mental and emotional state.<br/>
“Try asking me more directly and then maybe I’ll consider it.” Jun grinned. Ibara returned the same expression.<br/>
“Do you need me to get down on one knee and offer you a wedding ring for it to count?”<br/>
“Imagine, the great vice president of Cosmic Production and producer and idol of Eden Ibara Saegusa, offering me his hand in marriage. How romantic~”<br/>
“You’re looking ridiculously happy thinking about it, it’s as if you’re so in love with me already that you’d say yes immediately if I really did it!”<br/>
“The fact that you considered skipping dating altogether tells me that you feel exactly the same way towards me, you know~”</p><p>“Ahaha~! Let us hold an extravagant party and display our love to the world! I look forward to planning our ceremony!”<br/>
“You talk about that, but are you sure you can handle the amount of sugar that a wedding cake would have? I’m a little worried considering you adhere to a strict diet~.”<br/>
“Everything in moderation, Jun-kun!” Jun sighed in response.<br/>
“Are you another Ohii-san now?”<br/>
“His Highness is a lucky one, being able to have such a capable slave like you~”<br/>
“Shut up, I’m not his slave.”</p><p>Ibara laughed again and Jun couldn’t help but chuckle. It was only now that he realised that they had been inching closer and closer.<br/>
“Ahem, all jokes aside…” Ibara took a deep breath before looking straight into Jun’s soul. “Will you go out with me, Jun?”<br/>
“Of course.” The blue-haired male was so happy that he could honestly die at this moment. Before he knew it, Ibara’s face was so close to his that their breaths mingled, but Jun snapped out of his trance and placed a hand on Ibara’s mouth, preventing him from going any further.<br/>
“We should probably take this a bit slower.” Jun said.<br/>
“We’ve already kissed before. What’s the problem with doing it now?”<br/>
“That time doesn’t count.” </p><p>Ibara put some distance between them and Jun lowered his hand. “Impatient, are you?” Jun teased.<br/>
“You must be holding yourself back as well.”<br/>
“You’re not wrong about that. So… where are we going?”<br/>
“I’m glad you asked! I found the perfect cafe where we can spend time conversing over some hot chocolate!”<br/>
“Nagi-senpai’s going to get real jealous if he finds out about this, you know.”<br/>
“Of course, I will take precautions to ensure that His Excellency and His Highness don’t know of our little outing.”</p><p>Ibara’s smile was so soft that Jun imploded, stunning him temporarily.<br/>
“I’ll see you outside the CosPro offices at 11AM sharp. If you’re late by even a second, then I just might have to leave without you!”<br/>
“We’ve barely even started and you’re already a horrible boyfriend. I even promised I wouldn’t leave you, and you can’t say the same for me? I might just have to break up with you right now~”<br/>
“Oh no, how horrible! A first date is always of utmost importance, and I planned to savour every single moment with you. That’s why I ask for you not to be tardy just this once!”<br/>
“Fine fine, I promise I’ll be on time.”</p><p>When Jun left Ibara’s office, he had such a hard time suppressing his smile that he earned a few strange looks from the staff and an infinite amount of teasing from Nagisa and Hiyori.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Happy JunIba Day.</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>